Bland Burgers and Horror Movie Convos at Clinton Street Baking Company

Clinton Street Baking Company is best known for brunch—and the long lines of hipsters waiting to eat said brunch. So it was with somewhat lowered expectations that Burger Club descended on the eatery in hopes of a juicy burger. You know it's not a good sign when Burger Club members look ready to defect to the blueberry pancakes (the restaurant's website featured a quote from one satisfied pancake customer: "I want to wipe that warm maple butter all over my body!!!!" so you know it must be good). You know it is an even worse sign when Roger tells the waitress that we are in a Burger Club, and she looks at us like losers. However, if the restaurant isn't ready to rest its laurels on brunch, then we're willing to branch out.

Had we been in-the-know, we would've shown up between 6-8pm, when the restaurant offers a $10 burger & beer special. But, we like the nightlife, so at 9:30pm we ordered four burgers at $14 a piece, and I think I actually heard my wallet say, "ouch." Normally, I don't mind 14 bucks for a burger, but it does increase the expectations, which were definitely not met. We ordered 2 mediums, a medium rare, and a black & blue. Notice how the meat in the black and blue blends with the color of my hands...creepy. (I was going to say that I blame the blue cheese mixed in with the meat, but on second thought, that does NOT make me feel any better.) Perhaps it was ordering the bloody black & blue, or perhaps we're just morbid, but our conversation then turned to horror movies (PET SEMATARY, POLTERGEIST, SEX AND THE CITY, just kidding). Note to self: What ever happened to Edward Furlong?


Before we had a chance to fully contemplate the consequences of reanimated organic matter and cursed movie sets, the burgers arrived. The house burger comes with caramelized sweet onions and Swiss cheese on a brioche roll. Homemade fries are included (as they should be, with a $14 price tag), along with coleslaw (who ever actually eats that stuff?), and a rather delicious pickle. Roger (perhaps he had a date later?) decided to forego the sweet onions, but the rest of us went for the Clinton Street works. The Swiss cheese, which looked pretty and gooey, did not add much flavor or even really compliment the onions so much. Plus, the Swiss cheese not only looked but was super gooey, and put you in a Lady and the Tramp situation as you tried to separate a bite from the entire burger. Anna had allergies and initially thought this might be preventing the full-taste-experience, but other Burger Club members agreed. If the burger had any unique taste, it was like taking a bite out of a burger while in the middle of eating some French onion soup on the side. Also, the brioche roll didn't quite live up to its name: topped with sesame seeds it was more like a bun, the roll didn't have that bubbly brioche-roll top, and if the sweet taste was there, it was lost in the overall sweet taste of the onions. All the ratios seemed to be okay, bun to burger, meat to toppings, quality stuff, but it is like dating…some people look good on paper, but you still don't want to make out. So, for the future, best to draw the line between Burger Club and Breakfast Club.

Anna: Give the burger 2 cows and a very large calf and a shank (wink, Roger).
Roger: 2 Cows. Nice size. Good burger/bun ratio but it was surprisingly bland. I realize that I didnt have it the way it was on the menu. I order my burgers plain. If you can't get the basics right then where are you?
Bex: 3 Cows. Good pickle.
Jane: One cow et une vache (a nod to the French onion soup taste)

-Jan'Anna

Clinton St. Baking Co.
4 Clinton Street (btw. East Houston & Stanton)
New York, NY 10002
646-602-6263
http://www.clintonstreetbaking.com/