Burger Club Goes Arsonist at the Dram Shop

The First Rule of Burger Club is: Never talk about Burger Club. Yet, we like to break the rules (ahem, blog), which in retrospect creates some havoc, like, say, oh, arson. I am not saying the burger caught on fire because we broke the rules (because we were obliviously hungry), buuuut fate can be twisted. And that's why you don't talk about Burger Club (or non-sequiturs).

Burger Duo* wanted to expand into a Burger Trio. But we didn't want to break Rule #1 when we auditioned new members, which presented some challenges. We had a whole line up of questions, none of which directly referenced Burger Club or even meat eating on a general level. The person we had in mind, Hunter, passed our questions with flying colors, and so we asked him to join us for a Burger Club meeting. Hunter replied with, "Does it matter if I am a
vegetarian?" This is when we realized the sometimes fatal flaw in
obeying Rule #1.

Our Burger Club meeting was scheduled for Monday at the Dram Shop. Less than 48 hours prior, a Burger Duo member frequented the Dram Shop and broke Rule #1, which we've all done in the past. The problem with talking about Burger Club is people always assume
that we are some "professional" group of burger lovers like we are the le nez du vin of burgers. And so the Dram Shop began to expect a "professional" Burger Club.

As the touted Burger Club, we arrived at the Dram Shop on Monday. We ordered two burgers, and Hunter** ordered a cheese quesadilla. Also, ordered beers and yummy fried macaroni and cheese balls, which are deliciously gooey on the inside. The burgers were served in
plastic baskets lined with wax paper.

We got all quiet as we attacked our burgers and quesadilla. Through the quiet, I heard a "whoa," and looked up to see that the corner of Roger's waxed paper had fallen into the candle, caught on fire, and the fire was slowly working its way up the waxed paper. The flames
started getting higher and higher, from an inch high, to several inches high and spreading rapidly. Everything began happening really fast. The waxed paper dissolved in the fire, but before this happened entirely, small wax paper flameballs broke off and fell on the table, lighting napkins on fire. We only had beer at the table, so we didn't have water or any liquid that could extinguish this growing disaster. Roger began fanning the fire, in an attempt to put it out, and yelled for a fireman. The table was wooden, so it was only a matter of time…

The waiter ran over and picked up the flaming basket with a towel wrapped around his hands. Before the waiter could toss the basket onto the non-flammable concrete floor, the noble Kisby reached his hand through flame to remove the uneaten half of his burger. The waiter then chucked the basket behind the bar (skirting near disaster because the flames almost hit a line up of liquor bottles) where the bartender ran over and stomped on it for a full minute. We were able to take care of the mini-napkin flames on the table. When the multiple fires were safely extinguished, we noticed everyone in the restaurant staring at us.

Roger turned to Hunter and myself and explained, "I was so busy eating that I didn't notice [the flames] until I looked up and your faces seemed so much brighter." This is a sign of a good burger, so Roger rates the Dram Shop at 5 cows. Burger was nice and buttery, not charcoaled at all (even Roger's). I give it three cows and a large calf. (The burger was on the greasier side but would be a great cure for a hangover.)

Roger - 5 Cows

Anna - 3 Cows and a Calf

* A member from the original three-top Burger Club moved out of the city, so we were left with Burger Duo.

** Is there irony in a vegetarian named Hunter?

Dram Shop
339 9th St
Brooklyn, NY 11215

(718) 788-1444