Burger Club NY: Burger Club Gets Violated and Sunburned at Water Taxi Beach

There's something exotic about destination burgers, even when the destination is Long Island City. Little did Burger Club know, that we were going to get more "exotic" than we had bargained for.

Burger Club enjoys a lovely ferry experience. The wind off the water cuts the heat. Perfect view of Eliasson's waterfalls. To capture the moment, Roger takes a picture of us against the ferry railing. We invite Captain Jimmy, who Bex and I had befriended on the dock, to join us in the picture. As Roger clicks the photo, Captain Jimmy suggests, "You girls could stick your tongues in my ears to make the picture more exciting."

With relief we disembark from the letch-den (the ferry) and hit the beach. Before hitting the sand, however, you must pass through the porta-potty park, which serves as a kind of gated entrance onto the beach. Once on the beach, blasting house music, which would put Better Burger to shame, terrorizes anyone who can hear. Speakers are set up throughout the sanded area. By an empty dance floor, three women in bedazzled bikinis and heels dance, facing the Manhattan skyline.

Another odd thing about the beach set up (no, not the trailer spray-painted with neon Canadian Geese) was the discrepancy in soft drink prices. At the bar counter, a soft drink with ice runs for five bucks, but at the food counter, a soft drink costs one buck. So either ice costs four bucks or, well, I am at a lost to solve this one…Unless the five dollar price includes re-fills? Shoulder shrug. Ouch, that hurt my sunburn, damn it.

Harry's Water Taxi Beach burger, AKA "The Motz Burger," won The Burger Battle of the Burroughs contest, beating out Resto, Brgr, 67 Burger, The Farm on Adderley, and Coals. Harry Hawk named the "Motz Burger" after George Motz, a burger-extradonnaire, writer of his own burger blog and documentary, and our nemesis (just kidding, he could crush us).

The burger is simple. The workers scoop loosely packed meat into balls and place onto the grill, which are later flattened and seasoned. Kraft's plastic cheese slices are optional. The thing that makes this burger pop is the Schnäck Sauce, which is a relic from Schnack, one of Burger Club's nostalgic favorites. Here's the general gist of the recipe:

High-quality mayo
A strand of George Motz's hair, could be from his chops
Seeded Dijon mustard (we use imported French)
Chipotle
Sweet relish
Tomato product (use what you like)

One of these things may seem like it does not belong. Yet Bex did find a hair in her burger. About a quarter inch long with a bit of a curl. Like a trooper, she tried to rally and eat around the hair.

Even though my burger was hair-free, the hair, by association, grossed me out, so Anna rates:

Jane: Harry's? More like Hairy's! Even my seemingly hair-free burger tasted funky, and if I hadn't been on the water taxi for nearly two hours, I probably wouldn't have had the appetite to finish it. I took away another cow for the absence of fries. I really enjoyed the water taxi, but the burger itself wasn't worth the trip.

Bex: 1 cow for the ride to the beach on the water taxi. Fun! No cows for the food- I was the lucky one to find a hair embedded in my barely eaten burger, so there was no more eating after that... plus from what I did eat, I was not a fan of the special sauce or maybe it was some weird seasoning... but yeah, I say no to the burger on the beach.

Roger: To quote Apocalypse Now: "Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right." This outing of BCNY was the perfect example of the journey not the arrival. Open water, waterfalls, NY skyline, perfect weather. This was gonna be great! I had an open mouth smile the whole way to Harry's. Then we got off the boat. Even through the terrible house music and over priced diet coke I was looking forward to the infamous burger that is only available in LTD amounts on the weekend. But I have never been so disappointed in a burger in my life. It had the right texture, look, ketchup but man..it tasted weird. Maybe there was a special sauce or something but there was an aftertaste. It was so bad that I think I actually pouted the rest of the time I was there.

-Water Taxi: