Broke Burger Club

Our economy is tanking. Unemployment rates are rising. Crime, fear, lay offs, ahhh! Burger Club is not immune to these concerns. So with brokenness on the mind, we compared the burgers we could afford: McDonald's, Wendy's, and White Castle. All burgers were priced under a buck, if you skip the cheese. The cheese has no real taste anyway—it just adds a splash of orange, which makes the horror you are eating look momentarily more appetizing.

Here's Anna's ranking:

#1. Wendy's:

Wendy's employs the assuring tagline, "Fresh never frozen. That way there's…no freezer burn." Unless the patty is taken fresh from the freezer, the freezer burn would melt on the grill, yes? Not to mention, Wendy's shapes its burgers into squares. It takes time to manicure them into that unnaturally square shape, which is time ticking against freshness. In fact, Wendy's started shaping their burgers into squares, so that their burgers would stand out from competitors who rationally shape burgers into circles. Also, more patties can be squeezed onto the grill in the square shape.

Shaping aside, Wendy's was by far the best. Ranking fast-food is about determining which place leaves you with the least funky after-taste, and Wendy's won by a long shot. They also use full onions, which cuts back on weird distribution techniques (found in #2 below) when toppings are not spread evenly (i.e. There were four pickles on my McDonald's burger, which were stacked, as opposed to spread lovingly across the patty. Whatever, it cost a buck.)

#2. McDonald's:
To begin with, the McDonald's patty is refreshingly circular. The onions are diced and blobbed in a singular scoop onto the patty, which means that most bites are completely onion free and one surprise bite (it could be anywhere!) is all onion. It is not even that the onions are that overpowering, but it is more that the patty is minuscule and the bun is tasteless.

The McDonald's icon/branding symbol is a clown, which has to be the worst advertising choice possible. Clowns scare people and are not to be trusted. Plus, I had always thought that clowns sustained themselves on popcorn, colorful lollypops, and child actors. What do they know about burgers?

#3. White Castle:

Never go here sober; it is meant for late night. The meat tastes like cafeteria Salisbury steak. We cannot confirm if the patty is a square or circle because staring too long at the meat put us in a bad place. White Castle is priced at $.69, which is cheaper than McDonald's and Wendy's which were priced at $.99. But at White Castle, you need two "slyders" [sic] to equal the one, so technically it is more expensive. You can by in bulk, however, and opt for a Burger crate. There was some kind of sauce or something, but it could have been a general oozing from the soggy meat. This was unclear.

As an aside, they serve "Chicken Rings," which are chicken-fingers recreated into small rings, like a carnivore's onion ring. Granted, yes, we were intrigued. Granted, yes, we ordered them. And, granted, yes, we consumed them all. But we felt bad about it afterward.

We laid off our cow ranking system for this posting.

Roger's ranking:

#1. Wendy's:
I have no problem with a square patty. In fact some of my favorite burgers come in squares (see Dram Shop). Visually I think it adds something. I mean the cheese is square why not the meat?? Hell, why don't they make square buns?!?! But basically what it comes down is that the burger is the perfect size, especially if you get the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. If you want a cheap all around tasty burger that will not you leaving wanting 2-3 more than this is the one.

#2. McDonalds:
The old standby. I don't have anything negative to say about the burger except for I don't have anything awesome to say about it. That make sense? I guess the meat seems a little small compared to the bun. Maybe this is why the square patty at Wendy's excels. The edges stick out over the edge of the bun. A burger optical illusion!

#3.1 White Castle Chicken Rings: I'm putting this in here because I had to try them. As much as the gross me the hell out I found myself making fun of a ring, eating it, putting one on my finger, eating it, playing ring toss, eating it...until they were all gone. So they weren't that bad I guess.

#3.2 White Castle Burger:
I just almost gagged thinking about this burger. This burger is all about quantity not quality. I realize one usually eats these at the end of a night when you need something to coat the stomach. But I wanted these to be better. The meat, what little there is of it, tastes like cafeteria meat. Ugh. I can't continue.


Bex's ranking:

#1. McDonald's:
Call it nostalgic, call it amazing hangover food, or just call it crap. I still like it.

#2. Wendy's:
I hate to say it but I still remember back in the 80's when the "rat meat" rumor was going around. I guess I just can't get over that.

#3. White Castle:
Gross tasting, gross looking. Just gross.