Burger Club NY: Paul's: A Burger Club Divided

Bex:
Way back when I was a vegetarian *gasp* I ate a veggie burger at Paul’s. It was probably the worst veggie burger I’ve ever had. As a meat eater, I was never compelled to try Paul’s again because of the veggie burger experience, but years later when Anna suggested we try Paul’s for BCNY, I figured, why not, maybe the actual meat burger is good. I mean, they do claim to have the best burger in the East Village... But now I can safely say, both types of burgers at Paul’s are not pleasant. My cheeseburger came sitting on top of the fries, with the iceberg lettuce, tomatoes and mayo on the side. At first I was confused about the top bun, it was so small compared to the beef patty which actually hid the bottom bun all together. When I assembled my burger, I tried to pick it up but the bottom bun had already been soaked through with hot burger juice so it was too hot to hold. I cut it in half and let it cool down for a minute or so. The burger is definitely juicy and greasy, but seriously how can anyone think these lame buns would hold up under all that juice and grease? I ended up trying to eat the second half with a fork but the patty would just crumble when I tried to spear chunks of it. The overall burger flavor was ok, but to be blunt, this burger was just a sloppy mess. Not a fan.

Bex rates: 1 cow

Roger:
Wait hold on. I forgot Bex was a vegetarian. I’m glad BCNY was able to remedy that.

Everything about Paul’s screams awesome burger. In fact they “scream” it before you even walk in. There is an awesome burger sculpture on the outside that begs you to take a photo of or with it. It’s that big. Then there are the signs that declare in neon: NYC’s BEST BURGER or a poster that reads “WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BEST HAMBURGER IN THE EAST VILLAGE.” I wanted to run in and yell “Congratulations! You guys did it!” a la Will Ferrell in ELF. But once you get your 1/2 specialty everything goes out the window. The thing is a monster. And a mess. If you’ve had a burger from Jackson Hole then you know what I mean. Its like a meatloaf between buns. Which might be something I could get into if it wasn’t such a mess. Actually I take that back, I’m not a fan of the meatloaf style burger. And I’m not a fan of Paul’s.

Roger rates: 1 cow

Anna:
Paul’s is a no bullshit burger. It’s not new; it’s definitely not organic; and it’s not trying to be hip (Pop, BRGR, etc). Instead, it’s a mom and pop; it’s old school; it had Roger's name in the bathroom; and it’s a half pound of beef. The burger is messy, mammoth, and bun dissolving—the grease ran to my elbows and then to my heart—so be prepared. And by god, it’s pretty.

The shake (courtesy of Jane) and fries are good—the sweet potato fries are excellent.

Anna rates: 4.5 cows

Jane:
This burger ain’t pretty and it ain’t easy to eat, but sometimes grease can really win a gal over. It’s true, the bun is ridiculously too small for this burger. If burgers were boobs and buns were bras, this would be like slapping Dolly Parton-sized jugs into an A-cup. As a result of the ridiculously bad fit, the bottom bun was practically crushed to nothingness by the time it arrived at the table, so I couldn’t put my burger down while eating for fear that it’d totally fall apart. Additionally, I could not eat the burger without the grilled onions falling out. While this was tricky, I still enjoyed the burger. In fact, I enjoyed it so much I got the giggles in the middle of chowing down. Another plus at Paul’s was, of course, the presence of milkshakes on the menu, as well as a great array of sides, including my favorite cure for indecision, the Combo: french fries AND onion rings. Even though I didn’t order it (since we all shared), I loved the option. The milkshake wasn’t the best diner shake I’ve had, but was decent and complemented the burger’s greasy goodness. Oh, and I’ve gotta give it up to Paul’s for putting a pickle bowl on the table!

Jane rates: 3.5 cows